Matthew 3:13-17

This passage is where Jesus is baptized and in the book it says to practice imaginative prayer with myself being Jesus. In trying to imaging myself as Jesus, I realize I can't do this. I am so proud and so vain that I can't even pretend to be Jesus. My thought as I was waiting in line to be baptized in the Jordan was, "Why am I waiting here? I don't even need this." I am reminded of the passage, God's ways are not my ways nor are His thoughts like my thoughts... So high are His ways above mine that I can't even imagine thinking like Him. Then I hear God's words to me, "This is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased." It sounds so good to hear these words. This is all I've ever wanted to hear, that I am loved by and pleasing to God. Lord, open my ears and my heart that I may hear you speak these words to me and help me to remember tht it is only by Your Grace that I can merit this statement from you. Help me to avoid all vanity and pride so that I may one day hear you say to me, "You are my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased."

Making the Ordinary Extraordinary

My prayer got stuck on this thought... Isn't amazing how God uses the seemingly ordinary and makes it extraordinary?  That sounds cheesy, I know, but I was struck by this reading Luke's account on the birth of Jesus in Luke 2:1-14.  For context for those who have not read, Luke focuses mainly on Mary and Joseph and the time in which Jesus was born into.  It blew my mind that the God of the universe had to report in the census.  I mean, He was/is God and He still took to the way of the culture of the day.  He came as an unborn child with Mary, God's sinless masterpiece as his vessel, with Joseph the Terror of Demons by their side and not a soul knew!  They probably traveled with people, neighbors, friends all the way from Nazareth to Bethlehem and they all thought it was business as usual.

But God came there.  He chose to be there.  It was His diveine plan to come to the ordinary.  Not only the ordinary, but something that was seen as a total power move of the Emperor Augustus.  He came to this ordinary event and said, without saying a word, proclaims I am the real and new ruler of this land and of your hearts.

THEN, God was like, I'm not done.  No one has room for Him in Bethlehem because they are OK with their lives being ordinary and He is born in essentially a cave and is placed in a feed trough (a manger) surrounded by animal poop.  He comes into our ordinary s#$t, literally, and transforms it back to beauty.

DOUBLE THEN, God appears to shepherds and tells them of the glorious act and tells them to go find Him there..  And where were they? Living their ordinary lives, at work, being who they were supposed to be that day.  And from there the Scripture says, "the sky opened and a multitude of angels rejoiced" in the presence of these shepherds.

SO MY TAKE AWAY was this… I/we so often neglect God in the ordinary moments of our lives.  he shows us that, if we live the way we are called with everything in the light of his grace, life is not just life.  It is no accident.  There is a flood of grace waiting to be poured out on us if only we let Him into every moment.

That is may prayer this week… join me.

An Arduous Challenge

I'm woefully tardy, but I suppose late is always better than never.    I had been reflecting on a passage that I accidentally read a week early, but I'll wait until next time to post about that one.

I prayed Ezekiel 36 today.  My main focus was on these words: "I will sprinkle clean water upon you to cleanse you from all your impurities... I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you... you shall be my people, and I will be your God."  It seems so simple!  If we could only humble ourselves and release the control that we think we have over our lives, God would fill us with the riches of his love (which is what every one of us constantly seeks, wether we know it or not).  Jesus tells us that his yoke is easy and his burden is light.  This is what comes with his love when we humbly kneel before him and embrace him as he reaches out to us.

Unfortunately, letting go of all that the world seems to offer us is far from easy!  I want to show God that I value my relationship with him more than all the other things in my life, but I constantly struggle to do that when faced with the decision between prayer and relaxation/entertainment or between volunteering for a noble cause and socializing with friends or between daily mass and a round of golf.  Perhaps my challenge at this point will be to find happiness a bit more in my relationship with the Lord than in my hobbies or social events.  Challenge accepted.

Lord, Is That Really You?

My usual, long-winded blogging self was left speechless this last week in prayer.  I was left speechless by Jesus on the Crucifix.  Let me explain...

I was having a friendly discussion about the Protestant Reformation and the topic of Martin Luther, his credibility and honestly, his ego.  I learned something about him that I never knew before.  In the midst all his effort to "reform" the Church, Martin Luther became very adverse to the Crucifix.  In fact, he was never able to look at  a crucifix again.  This struck me.  And I took that with me this week.  I took it with me into my own prayer and contemplation on John 21: 15-19 and 1Peter 2:21-25.

I had a hard time connecting with the Lord in these stories.  I am not sure if it was just the state of my soul this week or a deeper spiritual level that Jesus is beckoning me to dig to.  Nonetheless, Jesus was a distant figure.  I read the story of Peter and the resurrected Jesus talking at the end of John's gospel and was not moved by Jesus as I usually am in that story.  I am always moved as if I was Peter in that story.  I love how Jesus loves him.  He shows him that his mercy is beyond anything he can do, including turning his back on him after three years of intimate friendship.  I saw myself as Peter again, but this time grappling with the depths of my knowledge of Jesus and really the basis of our relationship.  I asked myself, what do I see when I see Jesus in that story?  Do I see resurrection?  Do I see mercy?  Most importantly, do I see redemption?

I know redemption is real and attainable, but my heart does not know the depths of it.  Like Martin Luther, if I was in that story, I would struggle to look Jesus in the eye.  I struggle with the confidence of knowing his mercy and his call to continue walking with him.  That took me to 1 Peter where I meditated further on Jesus the person, but this time on the Cross... "by his wounds you have been healed."

I am left asking, is that the same Jesus I am desperately wanting to know?  What is getting in the way of me getting there?  And can I look at the Crucifix with that same desire to know him and love him right where he hangs?

Lord, is that really you?  

What should we pray for?

This blog won't stick to the agreed upon blog structure; it does not relate to one of the five given passages this week.  However, it does relate to an earlier reading from July, and does correspond to the current question on my heart, so I'm going with it.

Today, I'm trying to finalize some of the plans for my trip to Italy and France: 19-ish days on pilgrimage to see as many of the holy and beautiful sites and cities that the two have to offer.  I say 19-ish because I began to read back through my flight itinerary and I noticed a small highlighted section that read "You saved money by choosing an alternate date flight."  I scanned over the flight details time after time before selecting the flight, only to find now that I must have opted in for a discount option to move my return flight forward a day.  The result is I miss one of the days of the Meeting in Rimini, the conference for Communion and Liberation that I was partly centering my trip around.

So what?  I miss one day of a conference, while still spending 18 days in France and Italy.  I'll get over my neglect and carelessness in choosing my flight, but this experience returned me to a topic I have been contemplating the past several weeks: the consideration that all of reality is positive.  This is an idea that Father Giussani of Communion and Liberation has continually stressed and a concept verified by Romans Chapter 8 that I read earlier this week.  Verse 28 states "We know that all things work for good for those who love God" and verse 31 follows with "If God is for us, who can be against us?" I would ask not only who, but what can be against us?  If we are living an experience that God ordained to come to fruition, an experience that God not only knew would occur, but planned for it to occur, how can it not be for our good?  The only way God's good can be undone in any event of life is if we, through our free will, succumb to temptation and sin and choose it to be so.

I have been trying to look at every part of my life in this regard, and while I can't always see the fullness of God's goodness in every situation, it usually sheds light on how God is working in my life through sacrifice and suffering.   In looking at life with this in mind, it has also led me to question how I am meant to pray.  So often, I find in my prayer and hear in others' prayer, requests for issues to end a certain way, or that God deliver a certain outcome in a struggle.  Consequently, if all of reality is positive, if the given events have unfolded in accordance with God's plan, who are we to pray for a different reality?  When I am praying for a sick loved one to be cured, for peace in the world, or a number of other good intentions, am I attempting to reduce God's plan?

You may say, as I initially did, that not all of reality is of God, and that the devil's influence negates some of the positivity in reality.  However, is the devil's influence not only as powerful as God allows him to be?  If God allowed it, are the devil's actions not paradoxically a part of God's plan? Again, "we know that all things work for good for those who love God.".  If this verse is actually true, regardless of the reality we are facing, I must maintain that all of reality is inherently good because it was given by God.

Thus, what should I pray for if all of reality is inherently good?  Shouldn't prayer essentially be that our will be conformed to that of God's? Similarly is it wrong to pray for our favored outcome of reality?  We may participate in a reality that is not always pleasing to the flesh, but I have to believe that it most certainly is the reality that will form our soul to be what God desires, if we only choose that thy will be done.  Please share your thoughts, as this is a topic I have been continually revisiting.

The Nativity, Luke 2:1-14

I think that I fall in love with Mary. Her grace and beauty and tenderness as she cares for her son. My Lord and Savior was just born in the flesh because this young woman said yes. She trusted in God's plan. She didn't let her fear of the unknown control her. She trusted. I look upon the beauty of the scene which was possible because of her trust and her yes. The angel tells me, "Do not be afraid." I can have no fear in this moment gazing upon Mother and Child. I see and know that this is my savior. Then I realize His birth and life and death and Resurrection is real at all times, I should never be afraid. I have a Savior! Mary looks at me with the same gentleness that she looked at her Son. I feel so loved and so safe. With my Savior and the love of His Mother, I can have no fear.

Forgiveness at the Pharisee dinner party

Men,

Sorry for the delay.

I decided to Oremus this past morning, something I have only done once since the beginning of Oremus-ing. Today I meditated on the sinful woman at the Pharisee's home (Luke 7:36-50).

I was blown away by the faithfulness and sincerity of the woman who knew that Jesus was more than just another prophet. I imagined going into someones home uninvited, ignoring everyone except one man, and begging forgiveness from a man I have never met before. What faith! I knew immediately that today was the day to go to confession - to drop everything and meet Christ in the confessional. I was the last person to make it through the confession line! It felt amazing to approach Christ with the mind of the sinful woman, leaving nothing behind.

I pray that we can be like the sinful woman everyday, washing Christ's feet with our tears, not because of shame or regret, but because of sacrificial love.

John 21:15-19

"Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go."

When I read this verse, it hit me hard. If I have courage like Peter, then this will be me too. If I stretch out my arms, Jesus will dress me and lead me where I don't want to go. I am speaking of my upcoming marriage. Jesus is leading me toward a much more difficult life. Single life is easy, I don't have to compromise, I do what I want when I want, I spend my money as I choose, I make decisions based on what I want and what is best for me. It is easy and relatively stress free. In marriage there is compromise, there is stress and tension, decisions can no longer be made base soley on what I want. In short, it is the more difficult path.

Based on this analysis, it would seem obvious to not get married and live my comfortable single life. However, God does not want the easy way for us, but the best way. If the path to heaven was through a comfortable, easy life then God wouldn't have sent His Son to suffer and die on the cross as an example for us to follow. Easy is not best.

I have been struggling mightily with fear about my coming marriage. Reflecting on this passage has been helpful for me. I know that to love Jesus and to follow Him, I need to live outside of my comfort zone. I know he will lead me where I don't want to go, a place where life isn't necessarily easy, but as with Peter, this will be how I glorify God. Jesus is saying to you and me as he did to Peter in the final words of this passage, "Follow me."

God, dispel my fear. Grant me strength like Peter, to be lead where I don't want to go in order to glorify you.

Romans 8:18-31

So, this passage was one of the readings this past Sunday. I first read this passage when a friend of mine at Purdue sent it to me when i was going through a difficult time with my family and school. This passage is both incredibly simple and very deep at the same time.

Sometimes I get too caught up in all the things going on in my life and sometimes it seems that everything going against me is insurmountable. But, just remembering this simple fact: "...that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." helps reset my thinking and puts thing in perspective. This passage is always something that i go back to when I am feeling stressed or worn out.
And as it goes on to say, "...We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."

This is a comforting fact, even if we don't know what to pray for, God knows what we need from the depths of our hearts.

- Luke

The Necessity of a Broken Spirit - Psalm 51

When I was praying through Psalm 51 earlier this week, the line that continued to stick with me was "The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart."  In Esto, we frequently discuss our most prominent flaws as men (especially pride) that continue to lead us to sin.  This line struck me, because in essence, I feel that this proposes why we sin; we are not broken spirits.  

To have a broken spirit acceptable to God calls us to 'break' our pride, selfishness, and worldly longings in order to truly embrace God in our lives.  What prevents us from breaking these flaws?  Subconsciously, I tend to fear the prospect that only such a seemingly intangible entity can deliver me the fulfillment I long for.  As a result, in moments of insecurity, anxiety, and uncertainty, I sometimes flee to the things in life that have given me momentary emotional or sensory pleasure, because that fleeting gratification which I perceive to control, appears to be the best I can hope for from that moment.  All the while, an ever present emptiness in my heart suggests otherwise.

I seek these momentary pleasures or worldly indulgences, and realize, the root of that decision is relying on myself and the world for fulfillment instead of God.  To have this broken spirit is to truly abandon oneself to God; to live every moment looking to him instead of ourselves and the world. As long as I purport to any degree that happiness can be derived from my accomplishments or the world, will I not be a slave to sin?

Imagining John 8:1-11

While I was imagining the scene as the adulterer woman, immediately upon being thrown in front of Jesus,  I felt physical anxiety. Worry and fear began setting in and all I could think was, Is this Jesus guy going to let me die? Is this it? Is my time here on this earth over? Then He spoke:

 Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.

 woah woah wait...what? You are just going to let this happen to me? Surely someone in the crowd thinks they are without sin!? You are supposed to heal the sick, cure the lame! Aren't you going to save me?? Give me what I want?

I stopped, ceased to be in the story at this point. What the hell am I saying?

I didn't feel shame or guilt for challenging and doubting Christ (thankfully). Quite the contrary--I felt God say 'Relax man. I got this, I know what you need. Just keep becoming the man I created you to be, "Go and from now on do not sin any more."

Be well,

Psalm 6

Do not punish me Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, and I will proclaim your greatness; I will proclaim your name. I tire of my sinfulness, and mourn for the rift it has placed between us. But the Lord has answered my prayers; He has taken my sins upon himself. He has taken the punishment due to me. He has defeated sin and death, and the enemy is terrified. The Lord has answered my prayer.

Do You Give God a Bro Hug?

The other night, I was catching up on a video from the Oremus study that I missed from week 5. Where the priest was talking about imaginative prayer - being able to put yourself in, and walk through the scriptures.

The priest gave us, what I would call, a guided mediation. He said to close our eye and imagine yourself where you are in the room.

"Okay, Father, I'm on the couch."

I had a vision of myself sitting on the couch. I thought this was going to be easy....

He then said to imagine Jesus walking toward you. I did, but from a side perspective. I saw Jesus walking to me, but not in the first person. It was as if I was another person in the room witnessing what was going on.

Then Father said to imagine Jesus sitting next me you. At this point, I realized that I need to imagine myself in the first person. So I was thinking to myself....

"Well, Jesus... there isn't any room for you to sit next to me. This side is the armrest and the other side of the couch is a drink console.... Well I guess you can sit here on the armrest." 

As he went on in the meditation, Father asked us to look Jesus in the depth of His eyes. 

I couldn't. I couldn't visualize the face of Jesus, because I had been distancing myself.

 Later on in the mediation things got much better. Jesus wants to know us on an intimate level. He wants us to feel His heart beat. He wants us to fully embrace what He is offering us. 

It was like I was giving Jesus a bro hug. 

It was as if I want to know Jesus for a moment, pat Him on the back, and then move on with my life because I checked off prayer for the day.

No.

Jesus wants us to run into His arms and embrace Him like in the story of the lost son. To say, "this is me, these are my faults, right HERE is where I am most broken. Jesus, make me whole."

It all comes back to us. Are we willing to let Him make us whole? Are we ready to do His will... or does it just sound like a nice idea?

Run to Jesus. Embrace Him with your entire self. He will take you on an amazing ride.

A Clean Heart Create For Me, God

So, this passage is famous for a lot of reasons (as you can see - me and Scott chose the same one). It is well-known for many reasons, none of which is more important than why it was written.  This prayer comes from the heart of David as he sits among the broken remnants of his life.  A life that was blessed by God, but broken by his sinful choices.  We all know the story... David, in his weakness, a weakness that was probably paved my many other smaller choices of weakness, steals from God instead of receiving from Him. In his want, he sees something and grasps, taking it as his own. Instead of trusting that God, his Father that called him and whom he knew well, would be the answer to his greatest desires, he stole from His beauty.  Then from there, well, we know the story well.  One thing led to another, a woman is pregnant, he has her husband murdered and David's life is never the same again.  His choices all probably felt rational in the midst of them.  To us, they were atrocious.  But I thought this morning in prayer, isn't that us?  Isn't that me?  All the time my want and distrust lead me to steal from God instead of receive from Him.  I know the depths of His love and know if I trust He will answer, but still I won't always let myself go there.  And I end up like David begging to be filled again anew with joy of right relationship with God.

But even further, I think this passage shows us the depths of David's heart.  The goodness.  His heart truly is contrite and he know what true contrition is... "You desire a broken and contrite heart." "Thank you for these broken bones..."  He gets it and I think he always did.  BUT, we don't see the depths of David's heart until he falls.  It is not until then that he wants with everything to have back what he lost and serve God with everything that he is.

"A clean heart create for me, God.  Renew within me a steadfast spirit." Ps. 51:12

"Restore to me the gladness of your salvation, uphold for me with a wiling spirit" Ps. 51: 14

"I will teach the wicked your ways, that sinners may rerun to you." Ps. 51: 15

Isn't that us?  Isn't that me?  I become content sometimes knowing the depth of God only through my desire to have him back when I choose to lose Him.  Ya feel me? I know He wants SO MUCH MORE and I know there is so much more waiting for me.  I know in my secret heart (Ps. 51:6) the fullness of joy awaits me and one that can only grow, not move backwards.  One that will grow to a mystical life, a life of service and finally one of eternal joy.  But I am content, comfortable, rather, with staying in this strange, manly thing. This constant, cyclical nature of a spiritual life that takes shape from me saying, "Nah, God, I got this" and then realizing I don't after I fail and feel the weight of my choices.  This morning, I was challenged to step beyond this.  To step beyond only knowing the depths of my heart when I fall and beat myself up for doing so.  I was challenged to choose virtue instead of sometimes-virtue.

And then I remembered this quote from C.S. Lewis that I read yesterday that brought it together for me:

"We can't go on indefinitely just being ordinary, decent eggs.  We must be hatched or go bad." 

This is Matt, and I'll see you next time, but you don't have to take my word for it.  

Psalm 51

Today, I read Psalm 51. This really hit home for me in a lot of ways. I realized that God wants all of me. Not just part of me.... not just the good.... not just when it is convenient for me... He wants all of me. He seeks my heart in the purest form, but in return, I must seek Him.

The part that really struck me during this Psalm was ...

"Behold, you desire true sincerity; and secretly you teach me wisdom."

Often times in prayer I try to put up a front of being this overly holy man. Sure, I seek forgiveness when needed, but I don't always let Him in on my biggest struggles. He want me to be me. I need to come to terms that He does want to teach me wisdom, but I'm often too proud to listen.